Last nights practice was obviously an interesting experience. As I mentioned in my first post when I faced the possibility of giving up kendo previously, a certain fatalistic acceptance - that one good cut was sufficient and just the act of taking part was reward in itself improved my mental outlook. I referred to it as "fighting without preconception or ego". Well, on the positive side I felt a similar feeling last night. I was also particularly motivated and had a strong fighting spirit, well I may as well make the most of every last minute if there's only a finite amount left and with the grading to aim for I can't expect to achieve it with my one shot if I just sit back and think it'll all just happen.
Saying all this though, I've always maintained that only practicing once a week there was always a lot of pressure to get it right on the night because it'd be another seven days before I could redress the problems. When things went wrong it was frustrating and that had a negative impact on my perception of what I had done. Yet here I am with only a dozen [minimum] more practices and that's not pressure? We can only see.
But practice was good. One-to-one with Sensei was also rewarding, but why is it that I can achieve exactly what I aim to do with him and yet try the same thing with one of the other guys without success? Is it because he brings out my best kendo or is it because we still strive to block or defend at all costs?
I achieved some good cuts but noticed an increasing trend for folk to be overly frustrated when things do not go according to plan. In the past I've been more guilty than most for this but I realise the futility of it now [for now?]. Why waste time berating oneself for an error when one could be turning with zanshin and completing what you should have done first time! Equally when things go right do we jump around the dojo whooping and hollering about our success? No we do not, so why should we think it acceptable to mope around for our failures? Please, if you wish to sulk and moan at how bad you are with only a few months in armour under your belt, do it in your own time. This is my time with you, helping you to improve, this can not be done if you are bemoaining what could/should have been!
Of course there were times when I also failed and was frustrated and there will be moments where I curse and look skywards but thankfully I was quick to recompose myself and will continue to carry on regardless. The behaviour of others helping me to set an example and not be weighed down by my shortcomings. This is a process of continuous improvement, striving for perfection but we're not expected to achieve it, and I'm certainly not going to achieve it over the next three months anyway...
Throughout I was mindful of my neck, for the most part it was not a problem and I mentally logged cuts received and how the impact felt. Clear precise cuts were registered but there was no sensation of 'impact' and I'm sure most with experience can understand what I mean there. Obviously we have some beginners who are cutting predominantly with their right hand and there was 'axial force' but nothing that I felt was painful or uncomfortable.
I'm sure I had more to say on the events but I forget now, maybe it'll come to me later...
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